“In sickness and in health.” This vow takes on a whole new meaning when you are married to a person with a genetic disease. Most of the time, people vow this in case of sickness, not when it is already present. Chris and I celebrated 10 years of marriage this past February. Our decade of marriage has had its fair share of sickness and health but above all there has been laughter - which I think has been the keystone of our married life.

Hello, my name is Megan France and I am the wife of Breathe Bravely’s virtual choir member, Chris France. I am honored to have been asked to write about my unique perspective of being a spouse to partner with CF. Before I answer the questions posed to me, I want to preface that my answers come from my personal experiences. I know that there is a range of severity for CF. I can only speak to what I have experienced with my husband, and hope that when you read this there is an understanding and grace given.

Q: Did you know much about CF before you met your spouse? 

Before dating Chris, I had never heard of Cystic Fibrosis. We were having one of our many late-night phone conversations, as at the time, we lived in two different states. He was coughing more than normal and I asked if he had a cold. He took a significant pause…and then a big breath and told me, “No Megan, I have Cystic Fibrosis.” 

I am sure this was hard for him to tell me, but I was still trying to wrap my head around the pronunciation of the disease when he promptly told me to hang up and go to the Cystic Fibrosis foundation Website and then call him back when I was ready.  I ended the phone call even more confused and quite alarmed.  Assuming most of the people reading this have CF, I can imagine that “how you tell a significant someone about CF '' is a long debated thing. But you also have to understand- I was having a very funny, lively conversation with my new boyfriend and suddenly my inquiry as to his health resulted in a confusing declaration and a rather ominous end to the conversation. I hurried to the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation’s home page and the first thing I read (ok, the only thing I read) is the statement that “the average life span of a person with Cystic Fibrosis is 30 years old.” (Praise the Lord, this has now changed.)  I knew that Chris is in his mid-30s. So, in great distress, I call him back and yell, “Are you telling me that you are DYING??!!” 

Now, I hope that this moment can be both appreciated and found humorous. I’m sure he meant for me to read up on all the details, understand the weight of what he was trying to tell me, and then come back to the conversation with an opinion about how our relationship would continue. Chris’s CF diagnosis was not as severe as I first believed and after calming me down we began the first of many conversations about CF and what living with it entails. 

Q: What feelings came up when you found out your spouse has CF?

My initial feelings about having a boyfriend/spouse with CF are probably not what most would expect. I did take a moment to weigh the pros and cons, but it didn’t take me long to figure out that the pros far outweigh the cons. 

I had severe asthma as a child and found Chris’s breathing treatments reminiscent of my own from childhood. I was super impressed with Chris and had started to fall in love with him. Chris is an overcomer. He has a presence about him that has not been shaken by what life has thrown at him. The trials he has gone through have helped shape him into the responsible, caring, loyal, confident, and God-fearing man that he is. I had been waiting years to find Chris. 

Having a spouse with CF seemed insignificant in comparison to living without him. The possibility of not having kids, the need to only have part-time jobs in case I needed to suddenly drive him to the hospital, and even the precautions that needed to be taken in daily life.  All seemed relatively minor in comparison to finally finding my other half. And, here we are, 10 years later and I would still say the same is true today. 

Q: What role does CF play in your life, if any? 

For a while, my world revolved around figuring out how to help support Chris and his health. Nowadays, I catch myself almost forgetting he has CF. The day to day treatments, coughing, sterilizing, and pills fall into the background of “normal”.  But, then Chris will suddenly get really sick and we have to switch gears.  (Usually on a weekend where we had plans which we anticipated for months.) I admit there are times when I am not as understanding or have as much patience as I should be, like when he is not unable to keep up with his share of the housework or he needs a “down day” when I would rather go out and do something. But all of those moments are minor aches and pains compared to those times when I truly am afraid for Chris. 

Q: Tell us about a time your spouse's health made you feel scared. 

I think the scariest moment for me happened a few weeks after we were married. More than the scariest of hospital visits or even Covid, I remember this moment clearly not only because of my fear but also because I don’t think I have ever been more livid. I was just beginning to learn the ins and outs of Chris’s treatment schedule and during one conversation I realized he wasn’t doing everything he could to take care of himself. 

Now let me stop here and clarify something. The healthcare related expectations on someone with CF can be very demanding and extremely daunting. Anyone who has CF, who is able to keep up with even half of the expected health related “to do’s” AND have even a partial life outside of taking care of themselves, deserves GREAT respect and admiration. However, this is not what I was livid about. I found out that Chris had been blatantly disregarding doctor recommendations for years, as he felt in his own words, “I’m doing good, I don’t need those treatments he didn’t need the treatments cause he was feeling fine.”  But I had just dedicated my life to this man! I had just married him and was fully prepared to share a life with him for as long as God gave it to us. In sickness and in health. To me that meant doing everything we could to sustain his life. I was so scared that I had married somebody who did not take his commitment to his life as seriously as I was prepared to -somehow that acquitted to not taking our marriage seriously. And I was shaken to my core.

Obviously, we have recovered from that moment. I have yet to understand the full weight that is “keeping up with medications” and the burden that they could be. Chris, on the other hand, had never had someone (in his adult life at least) care so much about his medication regime. We continue to have discussions on balance and health. At times I am his reminder and at other times he is more dedicated to his health care than I am.  That is what marriages to give-and-take neither one of us is perfect.

Q: Tell us about a time your spouse's CF community made you joyful.

The most joyful moment for me in the CF community was Chris finding Breathe Bravely. He had been able to connect with other peoples CF community through Breathe-Con and other conferences, but to have a community and consistent connection with people who are not only having cystic fibrosis, but also loved singing, and creating music filled him with more joy than I had seen in years, and I was elated. 

Q: How does your life fit into the CF community? 

I had the great honor of working for Breathe Bravely for little more than a year and during that time my understanding of the CF community grew tenfold. I truly appreciated and valued my time working for this incredible nonprofit and being able to give back to something that has been so fulfilling for my husband. I love that a still am able to support Chris as he continues to work with sINgSPIRE. Cheering him on as he rehearses the music and watching the growth of the singers in the program  I am forever grateful for Breathe Bravely and all that they do and represent.