"Finding Your Flow State" by Erin McCaw

What brings you back to yourself and helps you feel most like the true you? 

A particularly insightful friend asked me this a few weeks ago after a nasty bout with the latest Covid variant. My immediate reply was stand up paddling. I pictured being out on the river that my family cottage sits on and the water is like glass, no one is around and it is the most blissful time to go for a paddle. Staying balanced on the board in a mixed state of body control, focus, and at the same time relaxation (if you are too tense you fall off!) With no sounds from shore, all I hear is the gentle lull of swishing water as my paddle dips and pulls me over the mirror-like surface and the light rhythm of my breath flowing in and out of my nose. I can see sun glimmers twinkling as the board glides along. I can smell the water and pine trees that grace the shores and small islands of the great river, the intense blue of the sky, and the rest of the world ceases to exist. All the roles and versions of me, voices in my head, stresses to perform and do… they all fall away and I become simply me in a moment that exists out of time, out of everything there is, part of Time itself. I never feel lonely when I am out on the water. When I return from paddle - always longer than I had planned - I feel completely at peace with a refreshed mind and body. It helps me to feel more at ease and like I do belong in the world. I never feel lonely while I am out there. Unfortunately, I don’t live in a part of the world where stand up paddling is possible for more than a few months of the year, less if there are ecological disasters such a mass forest fires polluting the air or I am struggling with all the annoyances of CF and lupus. So what else helps me find that time out of time or “flow state”.

Flow state, as coined by psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, is something that occurs when someone is so focused on a single task that they disappear into “the zone,” where time seems to stop and all other worries or thoughts vanish. It is something akin to mindfulness except that it is usually attained by actively doing something: such as art, physical movement, and other simple but absorbing tasks that require a bit of focus. I used to find myself in a flow state when practicing yoga asana and pranayama (breath technique) meditations. As my physical capacity for these waxed and waned because of illness that feeling of absorption nearly vanished for me. Then, as I spent increasing time in hospital or stuck at home, my world became smaller. When I discovered Instagram instead of turning the focus of the camera on myself, I decided that I wanted to show the beauty of what some might consider the mundane items of my two small neighbourhoods… plus sunsets. There is nothing mundane about sunsets or the night sky but many people think that one is the same as the other. As a lifetime viewer of the sunsets from the beach at the family cottage I can attest to the fact that they are actually quite unique! I had no idea what I was doing of course, having never taken a photography class or even seen much photographic art. I only had my little outdated iPhone as a tool, but as I went for walks more and more often I gradually learned what angles, framing, lighting, and subjects pleased me the most. Walking in the forest across the street became a whole new thing as my eyes scanned every rock, tree, creek, swamp for details that brightened my mind. Eventually I noticed that these photo-taking walks often gave me similar feelings as paddling did: what felt like short walks were actually a few hours long and I was always surprised at how much time had passed. I noticed that as I focused on scenes and small details that my breathing changed to the point that I didn’t think about it, something that rarely happens to someone with CF. I became suddenly both grounded in my body and a part of all that surrounded me. In marveling at the smallest detail of a tiny mushroom, the unique pattern in a tree’s bark, the colours in a handful of sand, or the feathery shape of golden clouds highlighted by an ebbing sun, I became both witness to and part of the natural world. This state of “wonder flow” renders me so awed and thankful that it relieves both my mind and body in a way that nothing else can. Not all of my pictures are fantastic mind you, even after playing around with all the photo editing tools that I view as art tools. But perfection is not the point of it or any activity that sends someone into a flow state. The benefits of flow don’t lie in the outcome, though there is some reward in having been productive and made progress toward completing or learning tasks. The rewards of being in the zone are the mood enhancing effects that are caused by the release of “feel good” brain chemicals like dopamine, endorphins, serotonin , etc. It’s not good to live in that state all the time, but for people whose bodies are uncomfortable places to live, who have pain and situational based anxiety and depression, it is always a major reprieve when we can step outside of things and have a break. 

And so I ask all of you, dear readers, what kinds of activities give you a moment out of time and a break from the physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual stresses and pains of daily life? When was the last time you felt most like yourself?