"My Challenges in Motherhood" by Jordan Robison

Ever since I was a little girl, I always wanted to be a mom. I would play with my baby dolls constantly, and even treat my little sister as if she was my baby. People would ask what I wanted to be when I grew up, and I’d reply happily, “A mom!” 

It wasn’t until I was in high school that I began to think about the fact that having cystic fibrosis could keep me from living out my dream. I often wondered how long I would get to live and would question what my future would hold. When I was first diagnosed with CF, my parents were told that my life expectancy was 18 years old. So when I turned 18, I considered that a challenge in my life that I had overcome. It was at that point, that my perspective on life and on my future began to change. 

I married my high school sweetheart in August 2016. My health was good, despite the fact that I had a feeding tube and was desperately trying to gain weight. I did breathing treatments and took my pills consistently in order to keep my body as healthy as possible, with the dream of being a mom in the back of my mind. In the Summer of 2019, we decided to start trying to have a family, but by the Fall of that same year, we had been diagnosed with infertility - yet another challenge I was forced to face. I was heartbroken. We tried a few rounds of different oral medications, which all backfired. Eventually, we were referred to a reproductive endocrinologist - with a year-long wait. 

We decided to start the process of fostering during that wait, and by December 2020, we were fostering the sweetest 10-month old girl. In January 2021, I finally had my appointment with the reproductive endocrinologist. She started me on a different oral medication, and by April 2021, I was pregnant! We were overjoyed. I had also started on Trikafta in January 2020 and had been feeling so good since then - I had good energy levels, a great appetite, no cough and was rarely sick. Not to mention, I was also able to get my feeding tube removed by the end of 2020. I knew my body was ready to grow a life!

Our foster child was able to go home to her family in October 2021, and our son Cohen, was born on November 30, 2021. Although the birth of our first child was joyful, it was also filled with challenges. Cohen’s first month was spent in the NICU after he was born 6 weeks early. He was finally able to go home on New Year’s Eve. Cohen’s first year of life was an adjustment for us - he struggled with reflux and did not sleep well. I struggled with postpartum anxiety, which affected the relationships I had with people close to me. I was also struggling with doing breathing treatments regularly. But eventually, we figured out our new normal and I got back into the rhythm of taking care of my body. I exercised 3-4 days a week, ate consistently throughout the day, prioritized my sleep and started doing my breathing treatments on a regular basis again. 

I was feeling so well, we decided to try for a second baby. When I was 10 weeks pregnant with our second, we had a house fire. Thankfully, no one was home at the time, but we had to move out of our home for a complete renovation that took 5 months. Thankfully, we were able to move back in when I was 9 months pregnant. On January 26, 2024, our daughter Charis was born and we got to bring her home to a beautiful new house! 

Although Charis didn’t have near as many struggles as Cohen did, I still did not enjoy the newborn phase. We had to fight to be able to breastfeed and my body was not doing well on minimal sleep. I also started seeing signs of postpartum anxiety again. Although I took Trikafta and all of my other pills consistently, doing breathing treatments had completely fallen through the cracks.  

With the help of a counselor and an anti-anxiety medication, I eventually began to feel more like myself and I was able to start enjoying the newborn phase a little more. Looking back at those first few months, I know I don’t wish to relive them, but am thankful for the support I received during them. 

Now, my daughter is one and my son is three - we are still “in the thick of it”, but continue to find our rhythms. I’m back to exercising regularly, which has helped, not only my physical health, but my mental health as well. I focus on prioritizing rest and good nutrition for myself and for my family. I aim to do my breathing treatments daily, and although it doesn’t always happen, I remind myself to keep striving towards my goal. I know that if I do not take care of myself, it will be hard for me to take care of my family and to be the mom I want to be for my babies. 

I think that is the biggest challenge in motherhood - figuring out how to love and care for yourself, when it seems as if your entire world revolves around your children. I have found it is so important for me to be honest with my spouse, my medical team, my counselor and the people closest to me about my feelings and what I need. I have been reminded that I cannot (and should not) do it all, and it’s okay to ask for, and accept, help. I have found that in order to continue to live out my dream of being a mom, I have to be okay with not being perfect. My goal is for my children to outlive me, and Lord willing, they will, as long as I take care of me. 

I have conquered a lot of challenges in my life and know that I will always have obstacles to overcome. But I always come out of each difficulty with an appreciation for the gifts I have been given- whether that’s the breaths I take, the home I live in, my health, or my family. The challenges in my path to motherhood have only made me a stronger and more resilient mother, and for that, I am grateful.