"Be Proud" by Carrie Ives

June is LGBTQ+ Pride month. Everyone has been saying so, from corporations that turn rainbow colors for the month to the local library to your next door neighbor. It’s all around the world.

I flew under the radar with my “Pride-ness” for many years. Although I realized in high school that I was probably bisexual, it never impacted how I was in the world. I only dated guys, so I “passed” as straight and didn’t have to think about it. I had friends that were gay and lesbian, especially as I moved into college; any associations I had with gay rights were strictly as an ally. In my adult years, I had a realization of being polyamorous; only then did I start feeling like I had to hide some part of who I was.

I flew under the radar with my “Pride-ness” for many years. Although I realized in high school that I was probably bisexual, it never impacted how I was in the world. I only dated guys, so I “passed” as straight and didn’t have to think about it. I had friends that were gay and lesbian, especially as I moved into college; any associations I had with gay rights were strictly as an ally. In my adult years, I had a realization of being polyamorous; only then did I start feeling like I had to hide some part of who I was.

That changed drastically when I separated (on my way to divorce) from my husband in 2017. I began my triad relationship with my friends-becoming-loves, who now I think of as my husband and wife.

The way I interacted with the world shifted. Things I hadn’t noticed, I suddenly noticed. I wasn’t as comfortable in society, the way society is - focused on couples (invitations that include “plus-one’s” or fancy restaurants that *only* have tables for two), or forms that allow for two names but not three. 

But I also noticed that I felt more comfortable in my own skin. As I had to stand up and say “the way society is doesn’t fit me,” I had the opportunity to say “this is who I am.” This is a gift.

I realize not everyone feels comfortable - or even safe - being open about their full identity. Anything that society would marginalize us for, we might want to hide in order to fit in. That might be in our family of origin, our religious community, our job, or even our town or state or country. 

I just know that finding a group of people with whom I can be my authentic self has been incredibly healing, and it has supported my growth. So I encourage you to seek it out - with a significant other (or more than one!), with friends, in community. Maybe the first step is to be truly authentic with yourself, even just by writing a journal page of “this is who I am today.” 

I promise you, whoever you are today, you are awesome. That deserves to be celebrated.